I've decided that tonight is the night. Tonight I am going to ask Hicks to make a list of what needs to be done every day before he gets home. I will ask him to outline the consequences I'll face if I fail to finish the tasks he gives me. I will ask that he keep track of my failings and discipline me, without exception, according to our agreement. I will ask that one night per week be devoted to the kind of sex he keeps threatening me with. I will also ask him to acknowledge that my ultimate goal in life is to become his joyful little fucktoy and I will beg him to help me, through discipline and guidance, to please him more so that we'll both get more of what we want from this relationship.
I don't think this will go very well. But I am going to try it anyway.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Fresh Muffins
I met Corporal Hicks on a well-known, soft-core, alternative porn site. The site is famous for displaying very fresh young things. When Hicks and I first started talking, I figured I wasn't his type - most of the girls he was chatting up were younger than 20 and I was 26. These girls were all also of a completely different body type than me. When I finally met Hicks in person though, I guess my feminine wiles made up for my age, and he was immediately attracted to me. His fascination with jailbait hasn't wained, but I am not threatened by it. After all, most girls that catch his eye catch mine too! Ha ha.
So, the other day, he opened a package he'd gotten in the mail and lo and behold - it was full of porn of the "Just turned 18" type. While a girl doesn't have to be young to turn me on, I do enjoy the power dynamic in the films he bought. I love imagining that I am the little young thing getting tossed around and used - although I must say I much prefer Corporal Hicks to any of the guys I see in porn films. None of them have his charisma or his hot, Scotsman's physique.
He was feeling particularly tired and down the other day and I was trying very hard to coax him into a good mood. Changing his mood is no small feat, both because he's quite stubborn (as am I) and because it's hard to get him to ask for what he wants. Finally I offered to suck his cock while he watched his new porn. That did the trick.
I just wish he would've ordered me to do it, instead of me having had to offer and guess and beguile. I feel like I am in more control of our sex life than he is, and that is difficult for me. I yearn daily for more domination in our household. He feels guilty, though, I think, telling me what to do, because I am sick and we do have that to deal with. I think that with the right amount of negotiation, we could work around my illness effectively, but so far, no such luck.
I am careful what I wish for though because when I do get ordered to do something, it isn't sexy at all. It's "do the dishes". If I don't do them, just hoping I'll get a spanking with a spatula, or maybe a stern talking to, he just ignores my naughtiness and the dishes go unwashed. I guess he is just too tired to deal with an uppity little slut like me.
During the day, I like to fantasize that when he got home and things weren't exactly the way he wanted, he would take me by the hair and show me what needed to be changed, then give me ten good whacks over his knee for each of the things I did wrong. What motivation that would be! How proud and happy I would be on the days I got things right!
I feel sad. He seems so into the idea of dominating me, and he threatens me daily with spankings, with being tied up, being anally raped, being used as "just a bunch of holes", with choking me with his cum...but the handcuffs I bought when he and I got together, the switch I got for him to use on me when I was out of line, the dildos I'd hoped he'd use to fulfill his fantasy of jamming all my holes full at once, all of them have gone completely unused.
My desires don't go totally unfulfilled. I submit to him every day in many ways, simply because I am a submissive and I can't help but clean up after him and such, and that does give me a little thrill here and there. When I don't get what I want sexually (to be spanked, to have my hair pulled, to kneel and be disciplined so that I can blossom into his ultimate fucktoy) I just try to be a good girl and remind myself that even though leaving the three-foot high pile of newspapers in the middle of the kitchen table untouched isn't my idea of a good night's kink, it is still giving the master what he wants. And there will always be some satisfaction in that.
So, the other day, he opened a package he'd gotten in the mail and lo and behold - it was full of porn of the "Just turned 18" type. While a girl doesn't have to be young to turn me on, I do enjoy the power dynamic in the films he bought. I love imagining that I am the little young thing getting tossed around and used - although I must say I much prefer Corporal Hicks to any of the guys I see in porn films. None of them have his charisma or his hot, Scotsman's physique.
He was feeling particularly tired and down the other day and I was trying very hard to coax him into a good mood. Changing his mood is no small feat, both because he's quite stubborn (as am I) and because it's hard to get him to ask for what he wants. Finally I offered to suck his cock while he watched his new porn. That did the trick.
I just wish he would've ordered me to do it, instead of me having had to offer and guess and beguile. I feel like I am in more control of our sex life than he is, and that is difficult for me. I yearn daily for more domination in our household. He feels guilty, though, I think, telling me what to do, because I am sick and we do have that to deal with. I think that with the right amount of negotiation, we could work around my illness effectively, but so far, no such luck.
I am careful what I wish for though because when I do get ordered to do something, it isn't sexy at all. It's "do the dishes". If I don't do them, just hoping I'll get a spanking with a spatula, or maybe a stern talking to, he just ignores my naughtiness and the dishes go unwashed. I guess he is just too tired to deal with an uppity little slut like me.
During the day, I like to fantasize that when he got home and things weren't exactly the way he wanted, he would take me by the hair and show me what needed to be changed, then give me ten good whacks over his knee for each of the things I did wrong. What motivation that would be! How proud and happy I would be on the days I got things right!
I feel sad. He seems so into the idea of dominating me, and he threatens me daily with spankings, with being tied up, being anally raped, being used as "just a bunch of holes", with choking me with his cum...but the handcuffs I bought when he and I got together, the switch I got for him to use on me when I was out of line, the dildos I'd hoped he'd use to fulfill his fantasy of jamming all my holes full at once, all of them have gone completely unused.
My desires don't go totally unfulfilled. I submit to him every day in many ways, simply because I am a submissive and I can't help but clean up after him and such, and that does give me a little thrill here and there. When I don't get what I want sexually (to be spanked, to have my hair pulled, to kneel and be disciplined so that I can blossom into his ultimate fucktoy) I just try to be a good girl and remind myself that even though leaving the three-foot high pile of newspapers in the middle of the kitchen table untouched isn't my idea of a good night's kink, it is still giving the master what he wants. And there will always be some satisfaction in that.
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