Still Sick and Now Not Speaking to Each Other

Corporal Hicks is the declared cook in our house. This is not only because I have little experience in the kitchen, but because he is a badass in the kitchen. In fact, during the holiday season, we have to turn the kitchen into a factory in order to meet the demands of his friends and family for his tasty treats. He loves to cook for people because he loves to take care of people and, especially in his family and his culture, food=love. He and I have different tastes though. I was brought up eating a combination of mild midwestern and Swedish recipes: very carb, sugar, and fat-heavy stuff. He was brought up in a sugar-free household, eating protein-rich, low-fat, spiced foods. So he handed me his pile of cookbooks one day and told me to go through and mark the recipes that I thought I'd like. I had a really hard time doing that though. I kept putting it off because I feel like he already gives me so much - a home, clothes, art supplies, medical care, the list goes on - everything a person could ever ask for. I didn't want to ask him to go out of his way to make things for me. Eventually though, after much encouragement, he got me to sit down and tell him what I wanted.

But things haven't really worked out the way either of us thought they would. For example, Hicks was really excited to make me a birthday cake. I was excited too, because none of my boyfriend's has ever made me a cake. And since it was my birthday, I didn't have too hard a time telling Hicks exactly what kind of cake I'd always wanted ;) (mild, white, fluffy, and from a box, with lots of my uncle's special dark-chocolate frosting). But, surprisingly, Hicks responded by becoming deflated. He didn't want to make my kind of cake. He'd been looking forward to making one of his favorite dense, spicy recipes for me. I think he was hurt that I hadn't asked for one of his cakes. I was sad. Not only had I upset him, but it was my birthday and I felt like it was the one day when it was okay for me to ask for things to be my way. I told him "Why don't you just make both - then we'll both be happy and I'm sure I'll eat them up in a hurry because you are the best cook ever." I'm not sure why, but he didn't make either cake and I ended up feeling like it he was mad at me, so I just didn't bring it up again.

Well, the same sort of thing happened last night, but it ended up in this terrible fight. First of all, I am really sick with the flu, so I am tired and cranky and after a few days of not being able to eat anything at all, I am starving and I want comfort food. Hicks and I had chosen two of my favorite things (his macaroni and cheese casserole recipe! Thai stew from his cookbook! Yum!) to make for dinner this week and I was really excited to get some into my tummy. When he got home from work, he came into my room and said he'd start the mac and cheese. I could tell he was tired, so I said "only do it if you really have the energy, babe."
"No, no I want to do it" he said.

An hour and a half later, my stomach growling, I got off the couch with the idea that dinner was taking longer than he'd thought it would, so I figured I'd go into the kitchen to give him a back-rub while we waited for it to be ready. I found him standing at the counter eating something he'd heated up in the microwave. "How come you didn't come let me know you'd decided not to make mac and cheese? I thought we were going to eat together..." I said. I don't know what happened after that except it involved me trying to explain to him that I just didn't understand, and him trying to explain to me that I was being passive-aggressive and mean. The fight ended when he told me very emphatically to "just SHUT UP!" and I shut up and went back to my room, my appetite completely gone, feeling woozy and more hurt than I can describe here.

This is one of those times when I just...I feel like I'm a failure at relationships and no matter what I do or how hard I try to do what the other person wants, I can't make it work. I honestly don't see what I did wrong last night and I honestly don't know what in the world I could do to make it right.